Dating

Speed Dating in Hawaii

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Since moving to Honolulu in 2013, I’ve attended three HI Speed Dating events because I wanted to encourage a close friend to start dating again after being in a long-term relationship. Unlike other friends who offer insightful dating advice, I had nothing to offer as I’ve never experienced dating. Instead sending her a Greg Behrendt Kindle book, I googled “speed dating Honolulu” and submitted a PayPal payment. Two weeks later, we were at Bar 35 filled with anticipation.

Although I personally didn’t care about dating, I feared my impulsive decision would worsen my friend’s perspective on dating again. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to fill up on liquid courage in lieu of confidence. Alcohol is a mental Photoshop. Everything is suddenly ammmaaazzzzzing! Upon entering the patio area, the facilitator led us to our seats. The female speed daters sat at tables with numbered table tops as the male speed daters circulated. We each had seven minutes to get to know each date. By date number five, it became very obvious that drinking two glasses of sauvignon blanc on an empty stomach was not a good call. Continue reading “Speed Dating in Hawaii” →

Dating

Netflix and Chill

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netflixchill(Source: Kristen King for BuzzFeed)

I had a good laugh this morning as I scrolled through BuzzFeed’s We Asked 13 People How They Felt About The “Netflix And Chill” Craze — it’s hilarious, on-point and way too familiar. Most of my dating experiences have involved the “Netflix And Chill” option. Prior to Netflix, it was non-affectionately labeled as “let’s watch a movie”.

At almost 32-years-old, I have only been on one “real” date. I personally characterize a “real” date as a planned activity that takes place after a guy asks me out on a date. My first and only real date was very pleasant. We enjoyed dinner at an Indian restaurant in Santa Monica, CA and he introduced me to his favorite dishes: Chicken Tandoori, curries, naan and basmati rice. When the check came, he politely declined my offer to pay and sorted out the entire bill. He shared that he didn’t feel it was right for me to pay as he invited me to dinner and chose the restaurant. Although he stopped seeing me after our third date, I appreciated that he was polite and courteous.

My first “real” date took place after I had already normalized a pattern of “let’s watch a movie”. After my first sexual experience at age 22, I accepted these “opportunities” for several reasons: Continue reading “Netflix and Chill” →

Friendship, Starting Over

Things I Learned When I Opened a New Facebook Account

ninjabuns

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In July 2015, I closed my original Facebook account and started over. While most people tend to have a social media overhaul after a significant breakup and/or mental breakdown, I made this decision because I wanted to create an online space with people I know personally. Offline, I’ve made a conscientious effort to invest more time and energy in substantial relationships (family, genuine friendships, like-minded colleagues, etc.) that bring me joy. I felt it was also a good time to align my online connections accordingly.

I transitioned from 2,000+ FB friends to under 500. With the exception of a handful, I’ve met all of my current FB friends in person AND had significant interactions with them. It’s been a little over a month and I have no regrets. A few unexpected things happened when I made the switch. Upon receiving my friend request, many friends thought my identity had been compromised. I received a lot of emails, phone calls and texts confirming I had moved on to a new account. It was refreshing because those messages reminded me that my genuine friends give a shit and will let you know if you may be in danger. Starting over accompanied mixed emotions. It was a bit disappointing to now be detached from all tagged photos and posts from the last 10 years. However, it’s part of the reality of starting over and moving forward. I had all sorts of trivial fears about starting over: Continue reading “Things I Learned When I Opened a New Facebook Account” →

Dating, Friendship

Life Hack: Love and Like your Company

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July 2015 has been a horrible month for me. I developed an ear drum infection and was prescribed a round of antibiotics which promised a season of “surprise diarrhea” for the next few months. While I generally appreciate fulfilled promises, this prescription pinky swear was something I would’ve been happy to dodge. I missed a week of work because I feared the inevitable awkwardness of destroying the office’s ONE uni-gender bathroom. In addition to the above side-effects, I’ve also had asthmatic flareups for the last three weeks and have been coughing every two minutes.

Although July has been a really shitty month, I’ve learned a lot about the important qualities of relationships from being sick. Surprise Diarrhea and incessant coughing has really affected my social life. I’ve had to cancel several plans and rearrange meetings (to places with abundant toilet options). When it comes to cancelling plans, I still feel the need to explain myself because we live in a world of flaky people. I value my integrity and I didn’t want anyone I care about to think they weren’t important. It was very comforting to feel safe as I shared my situation. Continue reading “Life Hack: Love and Like your Company” →

Dating

Speed Dating: Starting Somewhere with Somebody

ninjabuns

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When I tell someone I’m attending an upcoming speed dating event, I’m usually met with one of three reactions:

  • “Why would you do that to yourself?”
  • “That sounds like so much fun, can I come?!” – this is always from married/committed friends who have nothing to lose.
  • “You should definitely pre-game”

I tried speed dating for the first time while I was still living in Los Angeles in 2011. I went with three male friends to “Jewish Singles”. Two Jewish guys, one gentile man and one very out-of-place Asian girl (me) who heard “why are you here?” from seven strangers throughout a very awkward evening. While I was aware that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s Jewish dream girl, I admittedly didn’t ask the right questions before signing up. All I wanted was to meet some nice people and hang out with my three friends. Continue reading “Speed Dating: Starting Somewhere with Somebody” →

Dating

How to force yourself to get on Match.com

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About a month ago, I opened a match.com account because I thought it would be a good idea to start dating again during the summer while I have a break from school. Although I’ve done online dating numerous times in the past, I was never looking for a relationship. I claimed to want a relationship, but I behaved in a way that reflected that I really wanted to cuddle with people who wanted to offer nothing other than his penis (when it was available on his terms only).

I was scared of relationships because people have to be vulnerable and trusting. At the time, I was in horrible predicament after another and was honestly in no position to be a good partner to anyone. I also had a lot of trouble accepting that I was worthy of love and human decency. Since moving back to Honolulu, I’ve sorted myself out a bit. I feel better about Continue reading “How to force yourself to get on Match.com” →

Dating

How NOT to convince your family that you’re NOT in the closet

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I recently went to the gay pride parade because I support human equality and it’s always a lot of fun. Everyone is happy and it’s the only time of the year when Waikiki isn’t a horrible place. Since the parade, many family members and friends have asked me if I’m a closeted lesbian. No, I’m not. Although–

–Here are some recent responses from my loved ones upon telling them that I’m not gay.

1. “I mean, whatever makes you happy. I’m totally fine with it if you are. I don’t even give a shit about that. Are you?”

2. “Are you sure?

3. “…but the pictures”

4. “I hope you meet a Continue reading “How NOT to convince your family that you’re NOT in the closet” →