Since moving to Honolulu in 2013, I’ve attended three HI Speed Dating events because I wanted to encourage a close friend to start dating again after being in a long-term relationship. Unlike other friends who offer insightful dating advice, I had nothing to offer as I’ve never experienced dating. Instead sending her a Greg Behrendt Kindle book, I googled “speed dating Honolulu” and submitted a PayPal payment. Two weeks later, we were at Bar 35 filled with anticipation.
Although I personally didn’t care about dating, I feared my impulsive decision would worsen my friend’s perspective on dating again. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to fill up on liquid courage in lieu of confidence. Alcohol is a mental Photoshop. Everything is suddenly ammmaaazzzzzing! Upon entering the patio area, the facilitator led us to our seats. The female speed daters sat at tables with numbered table tops as the male speed daters circulated. We each had seven minutes to get to know each date. By date number five, it became very obvious that drinking two glasses of sauvignon blanc on an empty stomach was not a good call.
Instead of engaging in conversation with potential suitors, I kept searching for the pizza that was promised in the event description. No pizza. So hungry. Maybe I should drink more wine? Is my stomach gurrr–hungry sounds? Is he falling asleep? Oh no, that’s me. Was I asleep? OMG. I was sleeping.
I don’t remember many details from the evening. At the end of the event, we had to indicate who we wanted to see again. Unfortunately, my intermittent pizza daydream episodes occupied most of my mental capacity and I didn’t bother to note any details. I wrote names. That’s it. Which one was Scott? Was he the one who saw me sleeping? Was Kevin the guy with the fluffy beard? James? There was a James?! In a state of tipsy boldness, I chose everyone because I decided it was time to go on “real” dates. I also knew that I wouldn’t find out if anyone chose me if I didn’t make any selections (Speed Daters only receive information on mutual selections). My friend thought I had been drinking too much (correct!), but I also intended to set a good example for her. I hoped that my willingness engage in Small Talk Boredom Part Two would encourage her to open up and meet new people. I think things are always less scary when you see someone crazier than you do said scary thing and survive. I was willing to meet strangers who are now certain I have a drinking problem because I wanted my friend to start dating again. That’s love.
The next day, I received an email from the HI Speed Dating facilitator and she mentioned I had two matches. I was surprised as I wasn’t expecting anyone to choose such a loose canon. I met those two guys earlier in the evening when I was coherent and friendly. I went on a second date with one of my connections. He turned out to be a lovely person with a lot of great qualities. However, he decided to replace our planned dinner with three hours of talking about himself. He claimed he had a late lunch and wasn’t hungry. I had just come from facilitating a conference and didn’t have time to eat my lunch. I was hangry. After the first hour of listening to him talk about his blog and why he will always be an iPhone user, I suspected he may have chosen everyone like I did and wasn’t expecting me when arranging the date.
Throughout hour two and three, I planned my exit. I created all sorts of scenarios. Oh my! I forgot my phone in my office. Crap, I sent him a text that I was here. Oh dear! My friend’s car exploded and I need to take him home. Exploded? Wow, that’s a bit too far and I don’t want that to happen in real life. Why can’t I think of something plausible? Is it because this guy has been withholding food? Yes. Oh! I have a bag of chips in my car. I need those chips. How do I get out of here? Why is this happening? Is he disappointed that I wasn’t one of the other nine girls he chose? I can’t believe he’s still talking about Clive Barker. Didn’t I tell him I haven’t read any of his books? Oh no, I didn’t. I feigned interest because I had hoped it would lead to sustenance. I’ve been here for three hours. Should I just runaway? Is that awkward? Can’t be more awkward than suggesting dinner and not eating dinner. Isn’t he hungry? I’m hungry. OMG. This is why I don’t go on dates.
Eventually, I interrupted him and mentioned I needed to go home. I’m a horrible liar and decided to keep it simple. He politely walked me to my car and ended the evening with a handshake. After I finally had something to eat, I was proud of myself for taking an opportunity to meet someone new. Although it was a bad date, the dating experience itself wasn’t a big deal. No one owes anyone anything. There was no point in getting pissy over missing out on dinner. I didn’t mind that we never spoke again because I didn’t need his validation. Although I had initially felt insecure about the change of plans, I ultimately realized it wasn’t worth my energy to question my worth based on a stranger’s actions. We both gave each other a chance and realized we weren’t compatible. Moving forward, I’ll certainly have a snack before meeting someone new.
