Tag: relationships

Friendship, Starting Over

Things I Learned When I Opened a New Facebook Account

ninjabuns

Screen Shot 2015-08-06 at 7.49.25 AM
In July 2015, I closed my original Facebook account and started over. While most people tend to have a social media overhaul after a significant breakup and/or mental breakdown, I made this decision because I wanted to create an online space with people I know personally. Offline, I’ve made a conscientious effort to invest more time and energy in substantial relationships (family, genuine friendships, like-minded colleagues, etc.) that bring me joy. I felt it was also a good time to align my online connections accordingly.

I transitioned from 2,000+ FB friends to under 500. With the exception of a handful, I’ve met all of my current FB friends in person AND had significant interactions with them. It’s been a little over a month and I have no regrets. A few unexpected things happened when I made the switch. Upon receiving my friend request, many friends thought my identity had been compromised. I received a lot of emails, phone calls and texts confirming I had moved on to a new account. It was refreshing because those messages reminded me that my genuine friends give a shit and will let you know if you may be in danger. Starting over accompanied mixed emotions. It was a bit disappointing to now be detached from all tagged photos and posts from the last 10 years. However, it’s part of the reality of starting over and moving forward. I had all sorts of trivial fears about starting over: Continue reading “Things I Learned When I Opened a New Facebook Account” →

Dating, Friendship

Life Hack: Love and Like your Company

ninjabuns

ohdear

July 2015 has been a horrible month for me. I developed an ear drum infection and was prescribed a round of antibiotics which promised a season of “surprise diarrhea” for the next few months. While I generally appreciate fulfilled promises, this prescription pinky swear was something I would’ve been happy to dodge. I missed a week of work because I feared the inevitable awkwardness of destroying the office’s ONE uni-gender bathroom. In addition to the above side-effects, I’ve also had asthmatic flareups for the last three weeks and have been coughing every two minutes.

Although July has been a really shitty month, I’ve learned a lot about the important qualities of relationships from being sick. Surprise Diarrhea and incessant coughing has really affected my social life. I’ve had to cancel several plans and rearrange meetings (to places with abundant toilet options). When it comes to cancelling plans, I still feel the need to explain myself because we live in a world of flaky people. I value my integrity and I didn’t want anyone I care about to think they weren’t important. It was very comforting to feel safe as I shared my situation. Continue reading “Life Hack: Love and Like your Company” →

Dating

Speed Dating: Starting Somewhere with Somebody

ninjabuns

speed_dating

When I tell someone I’m attending an upcoming speed dating event, I’m usually met with one of three reactions:

  • “Why would you do that to yourself?”
  • “That sounds like so much fun, can I come?!” – this is always from married/committed friends who have nothing to lose.
  • “You should definitely pre-game”

I tried speed dating for the first time while I was still living in Los Angeles in 2011. I went with three male friends to “Jewish Singles”. Two Jewish guys, one gentile man and one very out-of-place Asian girl (me) who heard “why are you here?” from seven strangers throughout a very awkward evening. While I was aware that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s Jewish dream girl, I admittedly didn’t ask the right questions before signing up. All I wanted was to meet some nice people and hang out with my three friends. Continue reading “Speed Dating: Starting Somewhere with Somebody” →

Dating

How to force yourself to get on Match.com

ninjabuns

About a month ago, I opened a match.com account because I thought it would be a good idea to start dating again during the summer while I have a break from school. Although I’ve done online dating numerous times in the past, I was never looking for a relationship. I claimed to want a relationship, but I behaved in a way that reflected that I really wanted to cuddle with people who wanted to offer nothing other than his penis (when it was available on his terms only).

I was scared of relationships because people have to be vulnerable and trusting. At the time, I was in horrible predicament after another and was honestly in no position to be a good partner to anyone. I also had a lot of trouble accepting that I was worthy of love and human decency. Since moving back to Honolulu, I’ve sorted myself out a bit. I feel better about Continue reading “How to force yourself to get on Match.com” →