When I tell someone I’m attending an upcoming speed dating event, I’m usually met with one of three reactions:
- “Why would you do that to yourself?”
- “That sounds like so much fun, can I come?!” – this is always from married/committed friends who have nothing to lose.
- “You should definitely pre-game”
I tried speed dating for the first time while I was still living in Los Angeles in 2011. I went with three male friends to “Jewish Singles”. Two Jewish guys, one gentile man and one very out-of-place Asian girl (me) who heard “why are you here?” from seven strangers throughout a very awkward evening. While I was aware that I wasn’t going to be anyone’s Jewish dream girl, I admittedly didn’t ask the right questions before signing up. All I wanted was to meet some nice people and hang out with my three friends.
“Jewish Singles” turned out to be a lot of fun. Everyone was very polite and I had an excellent opportunity to practice being less awkward in the company of potential suitors. As an extro/intro-vert, I have a HUGE problem maintaining my confidence when in the company of someone I find attractive. I’m cool as a cucumber when I’m interacting with friends and new friends, but a hot mess as soon as I’m met with the “flutters”. I either abruptly runaway or have verbal diarrhea. OR I have verbal diarrhea AND runaway.
What did I learn?:
- Get there early and sip on a drink. If possible, nurse one drink throughout the entire night because nervous+drunk=weird-on-steroids.
- No one owes anyone anything. Although I felt bad about “wasting” everyone’s time because I wasn’t Jewish, I had to find early acceptance/forgiveness within myself because additional awkwardness would only make the situation worse. No time is wasted. Choosing to open up to meeting new people is always the first step to meeting someone awesome.
- Going into an event with the goal of having fun sets a beautiful tone to have fun. Fun doesn’t have to mean anything specific. Fun doesn’t have to be finding the love of your life at a singles mixer. Fun is 100% not defined by wallowing in self-pity and questioning every action made and every action received. FUN IS EMBRACING the uncomfortable moments and (if possible) finding potential humor in those spaces that are so ridiculous it hurts. Commit these gems to memory because it’ll be so funny when you tell your friends!
