Category: #DoingMe

#DoingMe, Anxiety, Boundaries, Depression, Fears, Insecurities, Kindness, Love

I tried #NoComplaintsWeek and I FAILED!

ninjabuns
nextime
I started my day committing to #NoComplaintsWeek and quickly found it challenging to sustain. I lasted mayyybe two minutes after I tweeted a confirmation. In all fairness, I didn’t really commit to anything. I eluded that it was a good idea. My optimism peaks after a strong dose of caffeine. I try my best to be positive and chirpy, but I honestly feel so much sadness when people are inconsiderate assholes. I recognize my standards for people are pretty damn high and sometimes unreasonable. Actually, no. My standards aren’t much. I feel happiness when someone opens the door for me. I appreciate people not chewing me out for something I didn’t do. I feel grateful when humans treat me like a human. It baffles me that some of the most basic acts of humanity is lost on most people.
 
At the moment, I work in an area that has a pretty not-so-okay reputation of being scary and whatever. The media paints a picture of poverty and violence. People assume I took this job because I’m desperate. I was desperate. If I had some self-esteem before graduating, I may have missed out on this opportunity. I had all sorts of doubts and in the end trusted in a power greater than me that I was supposed to be here for this season.

Continue reading “I tried #NoComplaintsWeek and I FAILED!” →

#DoingMe, Anxiety, Boundaries, Depression, Fears, Friendship, Grad School, Insecurities, Kindness, Love, Starting Over

Hi, I had a Depression Baby!: Nine Months of Horrible

ninjabuns

mrlovenstein

During my last year of graduate school, I hardly made any social commitments. Instead of getting together for a night out, I mostly stayed at home fixated on all of the work I needed to do. It wasn’t a huge work load, but I just couldn’t get myself to do it. Simple things like writing a learning agreement for my practicum or reading a literature review took me days to complete. I was frustrated and felt depleted in every aspect of my life. Although not formally diagnosed, I’m pretty sure I was going through some kind of significant depression. Did it heavily impact my work? Not really. I eventually got things done, but it just took longer than it would have if I was okay. Did this bout of depression impact my relationships? Yes.

Although I don’t typically have a problem being transparent, I was very closed off during the last year of grad school. On paper, it seemed like things were going well. I was working at my dream practicum site with so much support, under the supervision of a phenomenal social worker who is an excellent mentor. I was part of a competitive training program and had so many leadership opportunities. I worked alongside extremely gifted professionals who extended so much love and empathy. My family and friends were also consistently supportive, often checking in with me because they know I’m prone to depression. I had it all, yet I would often wish the world would just explode so I wouldn’t have to wake up again and find my pants to start the day all over again. Continue reading “Hi, I had a Depression Baby!: Nine Months of Horrible” →

#DoingMe, Kindness

Every Asshole has a Heart. …Somewhere.

ninjabuns

heart

I try my best not to be an asshole, which makes it all the more difficult to interact with people who have no qualms about being rude, condescending jackasses. It was a pretty good week with bits of horrible along the way. As someone who is prone to depression, I try my best to be optimistic. Life is too sad without laughter and in my case, dark humor. Beneath my seemingly sweet exterior is a very vile person (if you know me personally, you know it’s true), lol. I have to constantly remind myself that people are good (even if they are pretty obviously awful).

In an effort to keep my sanity intact, I drew this to remind myself that I’m not always seeing the complete picture. Somewhere deep down, everyone has some sort of sparkle (even if it’s buried in their assholes that may also occupy their humanity). If you’re struggling with difficult people, remember that it’s only temporary (hopefully). Extend grace, if possible. If not, do your heart a favor and let it go and think about something that makes you happy. For me, it’s a little chubby seal named Mamegoma and green parakeets. What is your happy place? #EveryAssholeHasAHeartSomewhere

#DoingMe, Boundaries, Dating, Fears, Insecurities, Love, Relationships, Starting Over

Tinder Adventures: Pink Seal with a Bow

ninjabuns

tinder

Yes, I’m the creeper who has a profile of an inanimate object on TINDER. As a first time (semi-serious) Tinder user, I wanted to scope out what’s out there. Am I trying to date again? Maybe. Not really. I don’t know.

At the moment, this is more of an effort to figure out the characteristics of what I would like in a partner. Admittedly, I didn’t give it much thought in the past. I was conditioned to believe that I had limited options. Some of the “advice” I’ve been given:

“You shouldn’t be picky”

“Don’t worry, you’ll find a nice guy. I saw a PBS special where a woman who (some sort of unrelated disability) found someone to love her. You’ll find someone, too”

“Just be careful, a lot of guys will just use you for money” — thanks, this one was true!

“Everyone has a soulmate, you’ll find someone when you aren’t looking.” — ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Continue reading “Tinder Adventures: Pink Seal with a Bow” →