Yes, I’m the creeper who has a profile of an inanimate object on TINDER. As a first time (semi-serious) Tinder user, I wanted to scope out what’s out there. Am I trying to date again? Maybe. Not really. I don’t know.
At the moment, this is more of an effort to figure out the characteristics of what I would like in a partner. Admittedly, I didn’t give it much thought in the past. I was conditioned to believe that I had limited options. Some of the “advice” I’ve been given:
“You shouldn’t be picky”
“Don’t worry, you’ll find a nice guy. I saw a PBS special where a woman who (some sort of unrelated disability) found someone to love her. You’ll find someone, too”
“Just be careful, a lot of guys will just use you for money” — thanks, this one was true!
“Everyone has a soulmate, you’ll find someone when you aren’t looking.” — ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
I have low self-esteem, especially when it comes to dating. I admit it. I didn’t date throughout high school and even during my undergraduate studies. In all fairness, I wasn’t trying. I waited for potential suitors to come to me. That’s what we were taught right? Girls wait for boys. Okay. I waited and waited. I was resentful and began the journey of believing I wasn’t worthy of love. It’s a dangerous path, which tends to provide more evidence to continue the belief that my physicality defines my value as a person.
A few years ago, a male friend mentioned that he probably wouldn’t approach a Little Person for a date even if he found her attractive because he assumed she would prefer to be with another Little Person. He was also honest that he generally isn’t physically attracted to little women, but also said that he didn’t rule out the possibility if he had a chance to get to know someone on a deeper level. In most cases, physical attraction initiates potential partnerships and the other good stuff (personality, sense of humor, etc.) will keep it going.
In my particular case, most of my more significant relationships blossomed because my partner enjoyed my company. It usually took some time to reach a comfortable place of consistency. Along the way, I often felt like a salesperson constantly trying to accommodate my (whatever you call a man who isn’t your man, but kinda is your man) because I was desperate to lose him. I saw myself as less valuable and overcompensated by accepting the love I thought I deserved (which was not much).
It amazed me how many matches I got on Tinder as a pink seal. While it probably has to do with Tinder’s reputation for easy access to casual sex, it was oddly comforting because I didn’t feel the need to explain myself right away. I chatted with a few guys and unlike previous experiences using online dating platforms, I was able to just get to know someone new. Since I’m just browsing and have no intention of dating at the moment, I felt relaxed and genuinely enjoyed meeting new people.
I think I’ll be ready to fully commit to dating when I’m able to be as confident in myself as I am in my identity as a pink seal. At no point did I volunteer an explanation of my profile photo or feel the need to start a presentation on the definition of dwarfism and hold a Q&A. I admittedly don’t feel so great about myself. I’m just starting a new career and don’t have my own place YET. Until I am able to perceive myself as valuable, I have no business dating. This will be a great opportunity to shift my self-perceptions and create more opportunities to meet like-minded people.
