When I first moved to LA (the first time) in 2006 and expressed interest in getting into the entertainment industry, I had no idea where to start. I bought a few useless acting books dripping with cheese and was consistently meeting people who had 0% interest in giving me any helpful advice. I met JT in 2007 and he was the first genuine person to offer guidance as I pursued the entertainment industry.
At the time, I was 23 and had already met my share of horrible people in Los Angeles. As a sheltered young woman from Hawaii, I was naïve as shit and thought everyone had good intentions. I was so wrong. By the time I met JT, I was so guarded and thought he was only being nice to me because he would later want something from me. Unlike most of my social circle at the time, JT was absolutely wonderful from the start. We would meet occasionally and have rich conversations. Okay, his side of the conversations had depth. I was young and superficial and all I really offered was my views on reality TV. I’m sure he was bored to tears with my silly ideas, but he just listened to me talk about my horrible boyfriend and all the other garbage floating through my mind.
I don’t have many regrets in my life, but it was so painful when I learned about his death a few months ago. While I’ve told him how much I appreciated him in subtle ways, I never really got to tell him just how much he impacted my life. His kindness and warmth inspired me to still have faith in LA humanity. After meeting JT, I had so many beautiful opportunities to meet other brilliant and kind people just like him. Being surrounded by this level of awesome expanded my capacity to see things differently. I wasn’t AS bitter and found a lot of joy in the company of good people.
I’ve always struggled in the area of accepting kindness from others. There are several reasons, but the most glaring is my inability to see my value as a person. I’m always more comfortable giving because it’s hard for me to receive kindness. It’s a weird defense mechanism I have because I don’t want to ever “owe” anyone anything. Reciprocity is regarded as a sign of respect in the Korean culture (I’m half Korean) and I always felt indebted to people who do nice things for me. I overcompensate because I don’t want to deal with the immense shame of “taking advantage” of someone.
JT never asked me for anything. His kindness healed parts my heart that felt so uncomfortable accepting unconditional love. It is not at all surprising that so many people love JT. In addition to being a talented performer, he was also committed to service in the Japanese community in Los Angeles. He asked me to get involved in Nissei Week years ago, but I was too self-absorbed to volunteer for things. I was too busy performing comedy for no pay at disgusting night clubs!
Although I still struggle with accepting love, I am so grateful that JT was so kind to me. I also learned so much from him and tried my best to emulate his beautiful heart.
JT, I know you’re out there somewhere being a beautiful light. Thank you for everything you’ve shared with me and the world. You are so missed. I’m sorry I never had a chance to tell you how much I appreciate you. Thank you for everything. You are so loved and missed!
