The Fear of Networking: Social Awkwardness or a Lack of Compassion for Self?

Source: Tim Gard

Last week I attended the Hawaii Public Health Conference. As part of our MCH (Maternal & Child Health) LEND (Leadership Education in Neurodevelopmental Disabilities) assignment, we were encouraged to utilize this networking opportunity and make establish new connections. I was terrified as networking involves initiating conversations with people (most often strangers), asking them questions and worst of all sharing information about myself.

While I generally don’t have any hesitancy to be transparent with people when someone initiate the conversation, I sorely lack the skills to initiate conversations. I have a few theories on why I feel this way:

1. At 3’4″, my eye contact is commonly met at a person’s hip level (just imagine what else is in that region) and conversations while standing can be logistically a bit awkward.
2. I’ve been raised to “not bother” people. I wait until spoken to and keep to myself until that occurs.I automatically feel guilty when I “interrupt” someone to engage in seemingly forced conversation.
3. A sense of unworthiness has been looming through me as an adult student. I assume people aren’t interested in meeting me because I don’t have a lot to offer them in return. My perception of worth is often in alignment with my career and financial independence. At the moment, I don’t have an “official position” and I feel less than because I don’t have all of the things someone in their 30s “should have”.

I’m sharing these details because I know facing my fears is an integral part of the journey to overcoming my insecurities. I had previously dismissed my discomfort and thought that I’d feel more confident once I’ve secured employment. It’s likely, but what if I don’t ever reach a place of being comfortable in my own skin? What if I’m forming a bad habit that leads me to stand alone at the snack table as I watch everyone network and miss opportunities? I’ve recently struggled with the anxiety triggered by opportunities to network. Unlike the wallflower at the seventh grade dance, mingling with people is realistically an important part of getting a job after I graduate.

What’s my problem? Do I hate money? Do I want to remain unemployed until someone finds me sans pants eating potato chips in my parents’ living room and offers me an entry level job that has nothing to do with my education and professional background? It’s disgusting that I’ve allowed my over-analysis paralysis consume opportunities.

As a social worker, my primary objective is to assist the people I work with to lead them to where they want to go. We align with a strengths-based perspective to focus on our assets instead of our deficits. Although the challenges may influence the journey, there aren’t many opportunities to move forward when stuck in the swampland of “don’t haves”. Throughout my time as a social work graduate student, it would be most beneficial to increase my capacity to extend compassion to myself. If my purpose is to serve others, I must first figure out how to do it for myself before I attempt to assist others.

Networking is one of my goals for this year. In every other aspect of my life, I’ve had to adjust and acclimate to be part of this world. When it comes to networking, I also have to be open to the challenge of getting comfortable when initiating conversations. I’m not quite sure how to do that yet, but I’ve already set the intention of improving myself and trust that it’ll lead me to the right places. Perhaps I’ll find a Pick-Up Artist for networking (instead of picking up ladies)!