I know I tend to overshare on my blogs, posts, etc., but I actually have a really difficult time expressing intimate details with friends. Sometimes people get defensive and think it has to do with trust issues, but the reality is that I’ve been conditioned not to talk about my issues. I don’t talk, I write. Over the weekend, I met with one of my mentors because I’m going through some personal matters. Instead of talking to her, I printed out an email I had sent because I knew I wouldn’t be able to even graze the surface if I relied on verbal words alone. I don’t like to talk about things because it’s very painful for me. I’m super good at hiding pain. I’m a lot like a bunny.
Secret Lives of PetsAs vulnerable creatures, they are in constant fear of predators and will it becomes second nature to hide their weaknesses. They look fine on the outside, but inside they’re physically suffering. I don’t know if bunnies experience sadness in the way humans do, but I understand their reasoning for keeping that shit to themselves. I don’t need to talk to a lot of friends because I see a therapist regularly to sort things out. There is a stigma and all, but the reality is that we humans come with a lot of shit and that shit is probably better suited to be properly handled by a pro. Therapists aren’t perfect. Some of them suck juicy ass, but others are really amazing. It’s like any other relationship, it just takes a bit of self-awareness and research to find a good fit. I’m very fortunate to be connected with good people (haha, I have two!).
I know it can feel embarrassing to share things with a stranger, but that stranger has signed a confidentiality agreement and you can send his or her ass to court if they mess up. As a clinical practitioner myself, I also have to abide by the same set of ethics. That’s the nice thing about confiding in a professional. They’re trained to listen. They don’t talk about how their lives are more horrible because you didn’t pay them a $15 co-pay to listen to their bullshit. It’s supposed to be a mutually beneficial partnership when done right. If you or anyone you know feels like this could be helpful, investigate further. Life is too short to be afraid to grow. Have a beautiful Monday! ❤ P.S. Don’t send me depressing PMs telling me you feel bad for me. I don’t need your anyone’s pity. You might as well jizz in my eye with your useless chatter. If you want to be helpful, be nice to people you encounter today. That’s all you have to do.
Thanks for sharing this and I agree. PS – your post-its are too funny 🙂
Keep writing! I think the biggest thing I struggle with is when I write – I feel like I will be judged on grammar/spelling or event content. You help inspire me to keep going. Thank you
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Jenn, my grammar is horrible and I don’t even bother editing this blog properly. The nice thing about life getting all cray cray is that it has forced me not to invest so much energy into trivial details. You are absolutely brilliant and the only people who will judge you are internet trolls who take out their aggressions onto you. You are my inspiration. Please share your story because your words have so much life in them. I love you so much, thank you for encouraging me throughout our friendship. I am so grateful for you. Thanks for being my soul sister FO LYFE (eww, 90s flashback haha).
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It’s posts like these that remind me that, whenever I think I know it all about anxiety and depression, there is still so much to learn. The bunny metaphor is quite a fitting and amusing one. I have to commend you for your humour. While I think I’m decent at writing stuff, I just can’t inject humour into my pieces. It’s a skill not many writers have when it comes to this topic I find. You should definitely keep writing, as the above poster has rightfully said!
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Thank you for your very kind comment. Wow! I first read this in July, but I felt weird about receiving compliments. I still feel awkward accepting kindness from people, but I do want to share my gratitude for your encouragement. The more I learn, the more I realize I don’t know a damn thing. I think that’s the incredible thing about living in this world–there’s always something new to learn. Thank you for inspiring me to write more, I am so grateful!
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